Relatively recently, like in the past year, I've stumbled across "story-games".  Story-games are pretty much just like roleplaying games, and really they are RPGs, though there's some debate on that point with a few of the wilder ones.  The main thing with story-games is that they are designed specifically to create stories, like the kind you read or watch on TV, during play.  The rules don't just allow for stories, but if followed will actively promote them.  For me, that's always been my goal in RPGs, though I couldn't articulate it for a long time.  Needless to say, I'm very excited, and I'd love to share this with my friends.  Unfortunately there can be a bit of a learning curve, especially with regard to old habits, and in some cases active resistance!

Unfortunately, I don't have many friends, or even many aquaintances.  I really need to get out more.  So I've tried to pitch these cool new games to these people, either a specific game or as a concept, and I've met with little success.  For those who weren't simply irrationally afraid of change, the two big hurdles seemed to be "roleplaying vs. rollplaying" and "character control".

There has developed a notion in RPGs that dice are "bad", and that a session that passes by without using any dice at all is some kind of holy grail of "in-character" awesomeness.  (This assumes, of course, that there weren't any major scuffles, because dice in combat are ok).  I've heard it said that "dice get in the way of roleplaying" and that "if a player can just go to the dice in a social conflict, he won't roleplay."  Story-games use dice (or cards or whatever) and aren't ashamed of it.  Much of their power to craft drama comes from the dice.  Drama comes from something keeping you from getting what you want.  Your character's struggling and suffering is what powers that drama.  Just like a combat where the dice are throwing you curveballs while your character's life is on the line, social conflicts can be just as risky.  Just as the best combat tactics might still lose you the combat, even the best argument might lose you the debate.  Just as terrain and range can add creative constraints to enhance a combat encounter, so too can "social" rules constraints enhance a seduction scene.  Sure, you can just go diceless and trust the GM.  You can even do that with combat.  But when the GM says, "sorry, you lose" you might be left wondering if that was the best call.  You might even feel a bit of resentment since the dice are "impersonal", but the GM isn't.  Also, the GM, as your friend, is likely to "play it safe".  He's your buddy.  He doesn't want to hurt you.  But a little (or a lot) of hurting is where the drama lies.  By pulling his punches, he's robbing you of your opportunity for awesome drama.  If your main focus is just kicking ass and taking names, or poking around inside of a fictinal world and seeing "what would happen", then that's not as big of a deal, but if you're looking for character-driven story then there's more of a chance for hard feelings for play to fall flat.

The other issue is character control.  In a game where a fight to the death isn't the only way to resolve a conflict meaningfully, there's got to be a way to "coerce" characters into backing down or even acting in a certain way.  This could be as innocuous as intimidating somebody into running away or as powerful as convincing somebody holding a gun to a prisoner that shooting him is the best thing to do.  In most traditional RPGs, people generally don't have a problem with PCs forcing their will upon NPCs with an Intimidation or Diplomacy or Bluff check, but if you tell a player that they have to abide by an NPC's Intimidation check, or perhaps worse, another PC's Intimidation check, that player is generally going to be pissed.  But think about cool movies or literature for a moment.  Have the heroes of that fiction never been coerced into doing something that they knew was a bad idea?  Have they never been provoked into an emotional outburst at a bad time?  Or even without an NPC's influence, haven't you seen the hero make things worse for himself out of pride or anger or a sense of duty?  Sure, you could just do these things when they feel "right" during a game, but for most people it's hard to reconcile "hurting" yourself.  You want drama, but you're likely, at least sometimes, to not go as deep as you could, to not risk as much.  On the other hand, even if you do dig deep and really screw yourself, knowing that it was a "self-inflicted" decision can take some of the dramatic sting out of it.

Related to character control is also a common sense of "gamer paranoia".  Now admittedly, I've often succumbed to this as well.  It's the "yeah, but what if [fictional, often unlikely situation] happens?"  Basically, everyone is afraid that ***hole players are going to "break" the game.  In this case specifically, they're afraid that some ***hole player is going to make "your guy" embarrass and humiliate and denigrate himself for the amusement of the other players.  First of all, this isn't (barring magic, I suppose) "mind control".  The NPC can't make you do denigrating things any more than a real person could coerce you into doing the same in real life.  It would take some serious threats to the things I hold dear to make me do those sorts of things, and that's the same kinds of things that would have to happen to make your character do those sorts of things.  There's nothing stopping your fellow adventurers from killing you in your sleep, stripping you naked, violating your corpse, and displaying you on a pole with a sign that says "Dead Horse Humper", but you don't hear people worrying about that in their RPGs, because it almost never happens.  So that's the other thing.  Whatever game you're  playing, all of these horrible worries almost never happen in actual play.  Which leads to the last thing.  If these things do happen at your table, STOP PLAYING WITH ASSHOLES.  Play with friends.

Anyway, I think that story-games are great and I'd love for more people to experience them.  If drama, human emotion, difficult choices and stories about being human (even if you're not) are what interest you, then story-games are where it's at!

No, this has nothing to do with homosexuality.  Don't care.

I just sometimes wonder at the series of events that makes me who I am.  Now, I also understand that facets of my personality are hardwired due to genetics, but how much of me is my experiences?

While I'm sure it was different when I was younger, I find that for most of my life since grade-school, and possibly earlier, I've been fairly "resilient", personality-wise.  While I may partake of the occasional fad, nothing ever "sticks".  I've gone to church, hung out with skaters, goofed-ff with goth-dorks and  ran around the neighborhood with troublemakers and others.  And while they may have had some influence over me while they were there, as soon as they left I resettled back into "just me".  I've exercised regularly, hung out in bars, gotten drunk, gone to strip-clubs, learned (barely) to rollerblade and countless other things, not because I wanted to, but because that's what the people I was with were doing.  Generally I didn't care much for any of it.  But that's me now.  I'm sure it must have been different when I was little.

So let's see.  I don't like politics, religion or sports.  I don't enjoy talking to people.  I don't enjoy "overcoming challenges".  Pretty much anything normal people have in common, I don't.  So what would have made me this way?

My parents got divorced when I was very young.  I don't remember much about it.  I don't recall ever feeling like it was "my fault" or anything like that.  I may be superimposing my current self on my memories, but I get the impression that I was like, "Yeah, well.  That happens."  I moved around alot as a kid, since my dad was in the army.  Thus the whole, "no longterm relationships" thing.  Is that why I have no interest in people?  I can't hold a decent conversation because of that, as a rule.  I can answer questions, but once the other guy stops prompting me, I've got nothing to say.  I'm not proactive in most things, especially converstations.  Yet I know that I should be, and that makes me uncomfortable.  Thus, I avoid conversations.  I don't make eye contact with people.  I don't look around me in public places.  If I do, somebody my start talking to me, and then I have to nod and smile and start backing away so I can escape.  I've been told to "just be myself" in social situations, but that would mean mostly ignoring everyone in the room and cracking open a book or maybe taking something apart.

I got beat up some when I was younger.  I don't really remember too much.  Swung around by my parka-hood by some German kids.  Punched in the stomach in the school hall.  Minor stuff, really.  Those two are all I can remember, though I'm sure there were more.

I remember when I was young, I saw a plaque that said something like "Those who expect nothing will not be disappointed."  It was supposed to be a warning, but I thought it sounded like a good plan.  Who wants to be disappointed?  Maybe something was wrong with me even then...

Sorry this is so disjointed.  Reflection on the past requires remembering things, and while I don't "not remember", memories don't generally come to me unbidden.  I have a lousy sense of history.  Things that happened 15 years ago seem like they were only a couple years back.  That's probably because I don't remember anything specific about the time in between.  I can remember the first girl I made out with, but I couldn't tell you how old I was or what year.  I remember where I was living at the time, and what school was near there, so using that I can figure that it was late grade-school or early junior-high, but it doesn't occupy a solid place in time.  If a few of the facts were different, it could easily have been at some other point in time.  Bah.  It's like I'm living in a bubble that extends a short distance ahead of and behind me.  I can't "see" my future clearly, nor can I recall well the past.

I think about these things alot.  I feel like if I could just figure out the cause and effect, I could short-circuit this endless cycle of mediocrity.  It would be like, "Oh, my lack of a father figure makes me scared to take a stand on things" or somesuch and I would know what to look for and could overcome it.  Oh well...  Maybe one day I'll try some therapy and see if that helps.

Bloink!